So, you know how the other day I told you the ten things I learned from 2019 and how I am on this journey of healing mentally, physically, and spiritually. Well, through practicing self-awareness I have uncovered that writing is one of the most therapeutic practices for me. So, I decided to write a letter to myself because she really needs it.
As you read understand that I was naive. I had no idea what I would be faced with and when I faced those trials, how to actually navigate through them. I am not going to get into the nitty gritty details here.
You may find parts of yourself in this letter or you may not. My hopes of sharing this letter is to open up communication that is much needed in our community. As women, we are always having to be put together (define it for yourself). But let me tell you, this community of women are not put together and perfect. We are human beings simply trying to navigate how the hell to do things and it comes with a lot of trial and error. We however as humans do possess the power to change, grow, and evolve. It is our duty as women to meet each other where we are, work through the issues that may not be working, and motivate each other to become the best versions of ourselves in order to grow and evolve. Disclaimer: This process will look different for everyone.
So, here it goes...
I am going to write to you in a way that you would understand. You have been through a lot mentally and physically. You might think that you are scarred from the things that you have seen and done. BUT trust me you are NOT. You are more than all of the hurt, pain, betrayal, lies, and deceit. You will choose to walk down a rebellious path that is going to bring out the ugly parts of you. During that moment I need you to LOVE yourself a little more and change your environment. WHICH you do, so I am proud of you. You know it’s not like you, but you do it anyway to fit in. MAIA, I need you to listen up to the next part and read it as many times as you need. THERE is a difference between fitting in and belonging. When you belong it is natural, people love and accept you. People want to see you win. People are in your corner fighting & rooting for you. It is organic and natural. Trust me on this! You will feel the difference. This is where I need you to listen to your intuition.
Now, I am going to tell you a few things that will make you stronger than you know. So, here it goes:
You need to love yourself like A LOT. This will be the only way that you will be able to love others. You will have to put the work in to repair the parts of your heart that lie on the ground, but once the grunt work is done you will feel amazing.
I need you to become resilient to the attacks, slander, lies, and deceit that are coming your way. Right now, you are not as resilient as I need you to be, so I am going to meet you there. Developing this mindset will take away the emotions you feel towards yourself and others. You will be able to see that when others project it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
This one is going to hurt your ego a little. You are not confident, so stop trying to fake it til you make it. Ohh...and stop listening to the individuals that tell you to just fake it til you make it. It is a whole lot of horse crap. I need you to be confident in your sexuality, sensuality, body, and intellect. Once you know who you are. I need you to SHOW UP as her every single day. It becomes your superpower. It lies in the decisions that you make. Not just any decision. Decisions that are well thought out, planned, prayed on, and executed. It will take sometime to get to this point and find your rhythm but once you do, just know that you have become unstoppable.
As you are reading this you are going through something shitty. I need you to feel what you feel, but do not allow yourself to get clouded by those emotions. You are going to want to stay in your room and sulk. Girl, I need you to get up! Do some yoga, meditate, and pray on your knees. Everything seems like it is burning. IT IS NOT. Nothing will be on fire forever. Remember in these moments to recite Revelation 21:4. Say it over and over again until you find peace within your heart.
Babygirl, become your own best friend. I need you to get to know YOU. Do not give up on art. You may stop drawing, but your art lies in the words that are etched on white paper. Go out in nature. People will laugh and joke about you finding peace and tranquility in nature, so be it. Do what you have too.
Just know that you are beautiful despite what others may think. You are going to be faced with something really hard that will for a moment shatter your reality and perception of your body and beauty. I promise that you will overcome that moment and walk through the fire. Once again, you will find your rhythm and get back on your feet. It may not happen in the time that you want, but you get back to it and I am proud of you for it.
Before, I close out I need you to take more accountability and responsibility. It is time to stand up and put your big girl panties on. You have no control over others, only YOUR actions and reactions. So, when you go projecting, being codependent, playing victim, just know that YOU have to work through correcting those negative behaviors. Go to a therapist. You will thank me later!
I want to tell you so much more, but that will give away too many surprises and lessons that you need to learn for yourself. I will always be there by your side unfolding and patching up.
I will love you through all of the mistakes.
Whew, glad that is over with it. I think I may make this a practice and write to myself often as reminders. I am not done yet confronting the not-so-good and ugly parts of myself. As I said in my previous post, healing is a process and you and I will never just arrive. It is a journey and roller coaster ride of ups and downs.
I encourage you to pen a letter to yourself. It is satisfying and it puts you in a state of gratitude. It is also a reminder that you will get through anything that you are going through and to celebrate the little wins. If you do, I want to hear about how you felt and what feelings arose when penning the letter. Keep it in a safe place and revisit it in 6 months.
Thank you for coming with me on my journey! I hope you enjoyed it! Make sure to subscribe and to follow us on Instagram at @shetalksmovement. Later, #bossbabes!