I am finally back on your screens! 2019 was full of ups and downs which made me question absolutely everything, especially if what I was doing was meant for me. So, I decided to take some time off of social media and dig deep to really figure it out.
I figured it out and I AM HERE TO STAY!
So, you know how at the top of the year everyone does New Year’s Resolutions? Well...You are not going to get that here, at least not yet. I decided to do a more reflective practice and figure out what I learned from 2019. Now, I am not saying that I did not set goals for this year. I am saying that my goals have been driven by the lessons that 2019 taught the hell out of me. I mean beat over my head. So, I wanted to share them with you!
Here are the ten things that I took from 2019:
1. No response is a response and leave it at that. Do not go creating false assumptions in your head. Your anxiety will only worsen. (Thank me later!)
2. Your happiness is your responsibility. Putting your happiness into someone else’s hands is selfish. Just do not do it.
3. Choose you, you will never go wrong. Point blank period.
4. Your mental state is IMPORTANT, so take good care of it. The best way you know how. Do not be ashamed to seek professional help.
5. Spend time with the people you love. Time cannot be taken back, earned, rewarded, etc. You never know what will happen tomorrow.
6. There is such a thing as boundaries and TRUST me they are important. They protect you and the other person. They are not meant to be broken, but implemented EVERYDAY with EVERYBODY. It is trial and error, so grant yourself grace.
7. Healing is the first step in knowing WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE. Oh, and you do not arrive, it is something that you BECOME. It is a process that never ends.
8. You are POWERFUL, do not allow others to tell you otherwise.
9. Develop shame resilience. This will help you more than you know.
10. Figure out your triggers, so you can stop projecting the wounded parts of yourself onto others. It is selfish and unfair.
This is not the entire & exhaustive list of lessons, but I’ll leave this here for now. I realized that I was not present most of the year. After sitting down and thinking about every single situation I realized that I had a lot of inner work to do. I am on a journey of healing the wounded parts of myself. Parts that do not serve me or the people around me. I WAS PROJECTING LIKE CRAZY.
Some might say that I am damaged, but I disagree I am human having a human experience. I make mistakes (some more than once) BUT again I am human. I am not perfect. I also learned that my healing, happiness, & life are MY RESPONSIBILITY AND I MUST HANDLE IT (SOMETIMES ON MY OWN).
It could be the everyday grunt work that you and I both hate, but it must be done on our own sometimes (p.s. not everything, use your judgment). Now, do not get me wrong asking for help is cool and all, but I learned that I must practice and exercise discernment on who, when, where, and how. Like seeking professional help instead of dumping my ish onto a friend or seeking God first before I go to people for different things. With that being said, I learned that because I projected and was codependent I was not in control whatsoever.
I allowed the words of others (good and bad) to penetrate my mind, body, and spirit. Now, there is nothing wrong with accepting the good things that people say. The wrong that I experienced was allowing my validation to come from the things that people said. You and I should accept compliments because it is the kind thing to do and it is lovely, BUT we (mainly me) need to start validating ourselves. Our worth has already been validated. PERIOD. I have been taking an inventory and audit of absolutely everything in my life. Do not get me wrong, I still slip up. The difference now is that I have measures in place that allow me to bounce back quicker.
This year I have set goals that align with my healing journey. I am claiming healing, prosperity, riches, and glory. I am claiming it because I am putting in the work. I am in therapy. I am reading because I find that I reveal new parts of myself in literature. I am attending seminars, webinars, etc. that align with who I KNOW I am destined to be. I am even practicing yoga again. I also realized that I will never arrive, it is a process and that I must enjoy and feel every step of the process. NO matter how ugly it may feel or look. It is part of doing the work.
So, I encourage you to do the same. Allow this month, year, decade, lifetime to be a reflective practice in which you learn lessons that you can implement in a beneficial and productive manner that will allow you to live the life that you love and adore. Oh, and do not forget to put the work in. It will all pay off in the end.
Wait, before you go, I want you to know that whatever you are going through it is temporary. You are stronger than your current situation. You are more than enough. You are already validated in His eyes and created in His image.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk I hope you enjoyed it! Make sure to subscribe and to follow us on Instagram at @shetalksmovement. Later, #bossbabes!