Today’s read is a little different in the most AMAZING way possible. We are talking about “Do You Really Need to Carry It All?” with KD Oladi, the founder of Kickin' It With KD a women's empowerment brand. KD is courageous, bold, and all-around honest who has a heart and passion for Black women and changing the narrative through a more holistic lifestyle, optimism, and authentic love.
Today you will get the pleasure to read all about “being too strong” from KD’s perspective and how to actually combat the “Strong Black Woman” stereotypes and stigmas that haunt and plague many Black women on a daily. So, let’s get right into it...
Hello, My Fellow Sisters!
I hope this finds you well as you go through your days striving for the best YOU that you can be. You are such a BOSS! You have meetings, events, organized times for scheduling, self-care scheduling, etc. You must really be doing your thing! You are such a "Strong Black Woman”!
But, sis, does that mean that you do not have to be gentle with yourself? If you are an individual who takes on a strong mentality and/or is labeled "The Strong One", I’ve learned that over time that mentality can shut out support, relationships, growth, vulnerability, maturity, etc.
I, myself, struggle with being labeled the “The Strong One” and I am in no way a complete conqueror of this. If you are not sure if you are the “The Strong One”, then let’s check.
You may be labeled or known as “The Strong One” if:
Everyone feels comfortable sharing their problems with you
Everyone knows that you are available to answer any issue that they may have
You have the answers to everyone else’s problems but yours
You take on any and everything because you feel like there is nothing to challenging for you or if you do not do it, you will be labeled as someone who cannot handle challenges
Everyone expects you to have the answers to ALL solutions
You had to learn how to spell out “Self-Care” before even practicing it (LOL!)
You believe that sharing your own issues with anyone could cause you to be a burden
You always believe that you have to keep it together
Out of these 8 points, if you identify with at least one in your day-to-day life, you may be labeled or seen as “The Strong One” to yourself and among your circle of #besties.
I have grown to know strength and began to become wise and knowledgeable about what true strength is and how it’s executed. Want to know how? Well...let me tell you it is through Christ himself. Phil. 4:13
At the end of this post, I want you to walk away knowing the definition of strength, finding a balance, understanding the importance of boundaries, and really finding strength in God.
Strength Could Be Your Auto-Pilot
Have you ever had all your activities swarming in your head? You execute them daily but are still feel fatigued? Not physically, but as though you are moving through the day at a blurred pace. You, sister, are on Auto-Pilot and when you move on Auto-Pilot, your mental strength juice is screaming for a refresher!
I have been in seasons where my thoughts and actions lined up so perfectly that I thought I was in some sort of game. You, my friend, are letting your strength determine your competence.
COMPETENCY DOES NOT EQUAL STRENGTH!
You are smart. You are creative. You know where your gifts will excel the most. But do you find yourself overexerting yourself over a standard that man has set? God’s standards are already given to you and He does not need you to be the strongest one of them all.
As stated previously, I have experienced the mentality of being TOO strong. That mentality shuts out support, relationships, growth, vulnerability, and maturity. If you are continuously being the “strong one”, where is there any room for growth? Where does that leave moments of vulnerability that could lead you to your true strength? Understand, that there is a line between strength and pride.
Mental strength is understanding that you are moving and that you have an awareness of what you are doing to aid in your purpose. To be prideful is to be or feel as though you have everything under control and that showing your vulnerability means that you do not know what you are doing. Really ask yourself, which one are you? Are you mentally strong or prideful?
Self-Care is Strength
How many times this year and even last year have you seen or heard the word “Self-Care”? A million, maybe? Well...you are going to read it again right here and right now. You have officially heard it one million and one times! Anyways...self-care is YOUR strength. Point blank period.
When you practice self-care, you do not always have to schedule a physical and/or monetary act in order to reap its benefits and indulge. It can be setting and understanding your boundaries. I chose the word boundaries rather than limitations for a reason. Boundaries are “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent”. Limitations are “limiting circumstances; a restriction”. Understand that your boundaries are not your limitations. Know where others end and others begin. You cannot get strong at anything in life without self-care, to be honest. Strength is in your growth, not just in the information you acquire or how much you can handle.
Now, I know that I stated that physical and monetary acts of self-care do not always need to be your go-to BUT you can definitely explore a bit outside of your already compacted routine and space and try something different. You can go on a walk. It doesn’t have to be in the forest or necessarily nature, or anything having to do with the trees or Bambi. It can just be a walk around your neighborhood. I encourage you to pay attention to the balance you see and feel when you go outside. You can also, pray. Nothing better than talking to the OG G-O-D and knowing that he is listening & hearing your voice. Another great thing that you can indulge in is a good movie. Watch your favorite childhood movie. Get connected to the freedom and trust that shows through your inner child. A new perspective always seems to shift for me on this one!
Let God Be Your Strength
God wants you to check your strength at the door!! You have to understand the relationship between your strength and what God says about it. Do not try to take on the weight of the world or the positive flow of humanity alone. Christ already took care of that and it isn’t a two (WO)man job. ALWAYS remember, “I can do ALL things through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS me (period)!” Philippians 4:13 (Without the period, LOL!)
He tells us constantly that He is there for us and that He loves us. Write all the things that you believe that you need to be “strong” about or for. Now, eliminate all the things that have nothing to do with God handling it or laying it at His feet. If there is nothing there, that means that you are TRYING to take it all on yourself! If there are some items that are left, focus on those things and try to see how God has or will strengthen you at that moment!
Don’t think that I am telling you not to be the strong one or to lose your strength in the moments that are needed the most. I just want you to believe in your strength but do not use it to cover up your weaknesses.
Don’t think that you always have to be “The Strong One”, let God be your strength. Try it for a week and let me know, sis!
Do understand that your strength is used to grow you in all areas, not to challenge you in what you feel that you do not know.
Practice more self-care while exercising your strength and faith in the Lord, you will thank yourself sooner!
Ladies, did you enjoy KD’s amazing piece on self-care, strength, and letting your guard down in order to hear God and feel His presence? She hit everything right on the nail. She touched on a topic that is not talked about enough in my opinion. There are so many times that we place this mask, facade, and/or this false identity on ourselves that do not allow us to be the woman or women that God has called us to be. It has a lot to do with the way that society has filled our minds with corruption and deceitful lies. Here at She Talks Movement, we are changing that narrative one story and one woman at a time. We are changing the way that women love themselves and show up in the world. If you enjoyed what KD had to say and want to learn a little bit more about how to find your strength in God, then follow her on Instagram and YouTube.
Also, if you enjoyed today’s read make sure to stay tuned as I will be dropping in the next couples of days and weeks a few blog posts on healing and I will touch a little bit more on boundaries, how to advocate for yourself, and what the healing journey can look, feel, and/or seem like.
If you or someone you may know would greatly add to the conversation and would love to be featured on our Instagram and website, then please send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, make sure to stay connected with us on Instagram and subscribe to our email list. Until next time ladies!